Life In The Land Of Tahiti
by Kina Kalamari
Summary: Whatever happened to Omega and the Director after Itex's fall in STWAOES? The theory: They went to Tahiti. What better place for a vacation from life? Well, possibly anywhere...A very strange oneshot. Semi-parody.


**A/N: Okay…so this may be a little weird, but I thought that no one ever really mentioned what happened to Omega and the Director. This idea was actually born from me mentioning offhand to a friend, "And what happened to the Director and Omega? Did they decide to go to Tahiti or something?" when we were discussing the fact that characters seemed to vanish out of MR a lot. (Did anyone else notice that Brigid wasn't in FANG? Not that I'm complaining…) **

**Anyway, here's the oneshot. Enjoy.**

* * *

_God, Tahiti is small._

That was the Director's first thoughts of the island of Tahiti. Her second thoughts were that it was a very comfortable temperature. But it was very small. You could drive across the whole thing in half an hour.

Not that there was a road that went straight across.

And not like she had a car.

But that was really beside the point.

The Director and Omega had wandered around for a while, eventually ending up in a place that had absolutely no inhabitants, except for one random tour guide who told them, when they asked, "Yes, this section of the island is what the natives call Tahiti Iti, meaning small Tahiti, or Taiarapu. It is the smaller part of the island, and is almost completely isolated from the rest of the island, as the only way to reach it is by boat or on foot. The two halves of the island are connected by an isthmus named after the small town of Taravao, which is located on it. The square mileage of the island is one thousand, forty-five kilometers, with a maximum elevation of two thousand, two hundred and forty-one meters at the top of Mount Orohena…"

At this point, the Director and Omega left the tour guide to his too-in-depth answer and continued walking, Omega complaining loudly the whole way.

"My feet hurt."

"There are too many bugs here."

"What if there are poisonous snakes around here?"

"I want to go home."

At this last one, the Director shouted angrily, "We can't!"

"Why not?" Omega whined. "It was nice there. There were no bugs, and we always had food, and my feet never hurt, and there were Nintendos, and there was that really nice cat-girl experiment…"

"We can't go home," the Director said, "because He doesn't want us in the series anymore. That good-for-nothing Maximum Ride is supposed to have defeated us, despite the fact that she didn't feel the need to kill either of us, and now we're supposed to stay out of her way. So He told us to go on vacation. Take a break."

"But why here?" Omega wailed. "It's awful here!"

"He said that Tahiti was an excellent vacation spot," the Director said stiffly. "Many people enjoy their stays here."

"But I'd rather be proving my superiority by outsmarting other experiments in useless mathematical equations," Omega said sullenly.

"And I'd rather be plotting to kill off half the people in the world!" the Director screeched. "But what He says goes, so we're going to stay here, and we're going to like it!"

Omega pouted, but he didn't say anything, because he knew that when the Director wasn't happy, nobody was happy…and he was unhappy enough already.

* * *

_Four days later…_

The Director was not happy. They'd been wandering around this stupid island for days, and they'd still found no sign of civilization. They'd been forced to eat fungi (she was _pretty_ sure it wasn't poisonous…) and drink from random streams they came across, one of which had tasted suspiciously like blood (she reckoned an animal had died somewhere upstream; she wanted to go see what it was and if it could be useful in an experiment, but the smell had driven them away). And the Director had been forced to put up with Omega's insistent whining, which set her nerves on edge and made everything just that much less pleasant.

If they didn't find _someone_ soon, she expected that they would become so sick of each other that they may just murder each other.

* * *

_Two days later…_

The Director actually shrieked with relief when she saw the little town sitting there on that isthmus. After Omega had taken his hands away from his ears, he saw the village too, and proceeded to run toward as fast as possible. Admittedly, that wasn't as fast as it might once have been, as he was very tired and rather weak from lack of nutrition.

When the inhabitants of the town spotted the two filthy, bedraggled people stumbling into the town center, they all started inching away, shooting them disturbed looks. Those who had children grabbed them and hustled them off. Only one person came up to them; a very pretty teenage girl.

"Are you lost?" she asked them sympathetically.

"We were," the Director croaked, her voice hoarse from lack of water. "We're here now, though."

"Would you like some food and water?" the girl asked. "And perhaps a place to stay?"

"Definitely," the Director replied. "As soon as possible."

"You too, I suppose?" the girl asked Omega.

Omega, who had been staring openly at the girl, jumped and looked up at her. He nodded mutely, not trusting himself to speak in case something embarrassing came out instead.

The girl led them through the town to a small house. "It's not much," she said. "But you can both stay here until you feel better." She smiled at Omega, who, after getting over the shock, tentatively smiled back. "My parents won't mind."

After a good meal, with the girl continually glancing at him and grinning, Omega decided that maybe Tahiti wasn't so bad after all. At the very least, he could learn to live with it.

The Director still hated it. Just for the record.

* * *

**A/N: Strange? Stupid? Good? Should-never-have-even-been-conceived? Brilliant?**

**Review and let me know.**

**P.S. I'm guessing you all figured out who 'He' was, right?**


End file.
